Competency Two: I am straightforward
Deceitful, con-artist, manipulator, apple-polisher; they tell you I am a liar and it is not prudent to trust me. They are right. I will steal from you and then help you search. It was not so much what you said, as it was the weight of my lack of character—heavy. I seemed to take pride in the fact that I was accomplished in this arena, truly unbeatable. I was everything opposite of who I was to become. If I am to pursue a new life, I must see what is no longer serving me. How do you take a girl like me and infuse honesty, decency, and ethics? This seeming feat meant substantial overhauling. It was an act that required an unlearning, a flattening, of what I had known and believed to be true. It was the bulldozer showing up for the remodel, not the carpenter.
This competency is essential for my evolution. With it, I can trust myself; without trust I can go NOWHERE. Trust is the foundation upon which I build. There is no other way. Until I learn the value of trust I’m screwed. Vulgar writing those words, yet it drives the point exactly where it needs to be nailed. I can’t fake me out. I can reason that I can, but that’s termed ignorance. And in my case arrogance too.
The dream solution: Today … stop lying, omitting, embellishing, and controlling.
The actual solution: Try to not lie in the next conversation I have today. If I catch myself lying I stop mid-sentence and collect my thoughts and unweave what I was about to weave. If I am tempted to omit or embellish I notice and observe my behavior; recognizing how it makes me feel within. If I find I am trying to police the outcome I will let it go and see what happens. I will make effort to recognize that things turn out fine (often better) without my two cents.
This competency is not about being a doormat; saying nothing or doing nothing. It’s about knowing me so well that I know when to step in and when to step out. I have learned to strike a balance. What is the balance? I have learned to trust me and my word. I am accountable to self … first. In learning to trust me again, I can now trust you. I know to put my healthy needs first. I want to take care of me, not because I am more important than you, but because if I don’t take care of me I will ultimately end up trying to manipulate you. And yes, sometimes taking care of me means putting you first. (That’s another post.)
A competency is something I work toward achieving, not something I acquire in a weekend seminar. I work a little each day (in as many conversations as I remember) to become a person I admire. Today I admire truth, strength, courage, gentleness, character, and accountability. I willingly work toward them, not because it is easy, but because I like the way I feel inside when I behave this way. I put my head on the pillow at night and feel at peace. A gift far better than anything I could have possibly weaved doing it the old way.
Lisa Neumann
Good stuff Lisa, thank you. My big one is omitting information in attempt to control others’ responses (to avoid their reactions and my discomfort). I never realized how often I did (and still do) this. Awareness is a good starting place though. Hope all has been going well with you! Thanks again!
I must admit I still catch myself. I have to be conscious too! Thanks for your continued support.