Image courtesy of Danilo Rizzuti at FreeDigitalPhotos.net

This is going to be a love or hate post for many. I put off these posts because they often seem so confrontational. Most of you, however, thrive with a little confrontation so I thought I would go with it. (I’ve had a few moments of hate this week so this is the perfect time for me to take a look at me.) The truth can hurt. I run from it. When I finally stop running truth is there (still) and I am relieved.

The battle is over when I give up the fight. Not the other way around.

What is hatred?  Why do I have it? Why does it fuel me?

A text book definition of hatred: “an intense hostility and aversion usually deriving from fear, anger, or sense of injury.” Hatred is a feeling one holds within toward something, presumably outside of self. I have it because I am judging that person or thing. I get rid of it by taking a look at (investigating) my thoughts toward that person or thing. It fuels me because at some level I’m invested in the outcome (pay-off) for hating that person or thing.

The feelings I have are coming from within me. They are not coming from anything outside of me. It is the person or circumstance outside of me creating the awareness of what isn’t yet healed inside me. The match was already in me. The situation seemingly caused me to ignite and I want to blame them for my spark. The words or actions cut so deeply because I am unhealed within.

The objective is to remove the matches within.

Not spend my life trying to get people to stop striking.

If I am feeling hatred toward something I can be assured I am feeling it toward self. (This may be the part where you stop reading.) I cannot feel something within that I have no reference point for feeling.

The possession of hatred is exactly that—possession. I am choosing to hold it. I abhor this thought … the thought that I welcome hatred. It is true, otherwise I would release it. I don’t get rid of it because I have a reason for holding onto it. And this reason fuels me. I like being right. And I especially like making you wrong. The task then becomes to find why I hold onto this intense and hostile feeling. I’m into journaling, so I have learned the sheer power of writing out the words that stalk my mind. Here is what I find: As long as I am hating you I don’t have to look at me—at my part. What could my part be? This is what I avoid as I keep the focus on you, the hate on you, and the judgment on you.

Here is an example of my part is past hatreds:

  • I lied at the onset.
  • I never communicated what I needed or wanted.
  • I don’t know how to take care of myself and I don’t want you to see that.
  • I’m scared to love and care for you because I feel I will fail.
  • I have done the exact same thing, but I have never forgiven myself.
  • I said “yes” when I should have said “no.”
  • I allowed it.
  • Hating you means you have to change, not me.

If I am feeling hatred today for anyone or anything it is an opportunity to heal. Looking at my part in the hatred is the moment of freedom. Until I see that I play a role I will be a hostage to my hatred. I will not be growing away from a relapse, but growing toward a relapse.

Unattended hatred is a tidal wave waiting to hit. Once it arrives there is simply no way to stop it. Don’t let your hatred destroy your day, because it will if you don’t do something about it.

Want to learn more about journaling techniques? Contact Lisa