My Non-Entitlement on Mother’s Day

{2005} My mom’s day gift every year – you!

Where’s mine?

This was the basic theme of my life. My whole life. Especially through early sobriety. If I was going to have to give up alcohol and suffer the horrors of an alcohol-free life I was deserved of some type of compensation. After all, it wasn’t fair that I had to give up alcohol and you did not.

So I used my sober suffering as a sort of ticket to get what I wanted, when I wanted. I need time,  I need sugar, I need a meeting, I need sleep, I need space, I need freedom, I need it my way, I need to be alone. I have been less-than a sober gem over the past years. And like many of us girls, days like Mother’s Day brought about more confusion than relaxation.

Fantasy Mother’s Day (early sobriety):
You do my job for 24 hours and let me relax. This means I sleep in and you serve me. I don’t do laundry, don’t make meals, don’t change diapers, don’t clean house, don’t feed pets, don’t do dishes, don’t do discipline, don’t do any activity I deem non-mother’s day-ish.* (*BTW: Subject to change.)

Real Mother’s Day (today):
You do what your heart tells you to do. I’d like for you to ask me what I’d like, but if you do not my feelings aren’t hurt. I am not tacitly perturbed. I am focused on giving to the moms. I can do and give to them without thought of what I am to get in return. (And yes, the thought passes my mind, but I hit the delete button on it.) It’s not about what I’m getting, it’s about what I am giving—without an agenda.

So today, I rise early because I like early—I like how it feels to rise with the sun. I do the laundry, because I like the laundry done, not because I like doing it. I do it so you have clean gym clothes—and you may or may not ever thank me. I bake a cake for my mom-in-law, not because I want to be in the kitchen, but because I want her to know that I love her. I prep for dinner, not because I love chopping salad, but because I love eating salad. I give in the way that I wish to receive. And I do my best to eliminate expectations.

My gift for being a mom is the presence of my children.
My gift for being sober is my life—I get to live my life.
My kids get a mom that is present, a mom that teaches love through acting loving.

I thought I needed you to show me that you loved me. And when you didn’t love me the way I thought you should I drank.

I learned that I needed me to love me.
When I loved me I gave the best of me to you.

That is what I am entitled to on Mother’s Day.

 

16 Responses to “My Non-Entitlement on Mother’s Day

  • Happy mother’s day, Lisa! I want you to know how grateful i am for having you in my path. You are an amazing human being and i know you are a fantastic mother. Love always. Me.

    • Erika, Thank you for the good wishes. Give your mom a Mother’s Day kiss and hug from me. I adore you and I miss you. Let’s plan a get together over Skype this month. xoxox Me

  • Wow, Lisa. This is just stunning. Just wonderful. Dripping with authenticity and love and gratitude. Self-love is the most important one – not out of selfishness, but because with that, we can share love with great force to others. I don’t need you to make me feel loved. If I can get that from within and face the world with an open heart and open mind, then it’s all good.

    I have my children, my sobriety, my life. Everything else is just icing on the cake 🙂

    Thank you for this beautiful piece, Lisa.

    Happy Mother’s Day 🙂

    Paul

    • Thank you Paul. Hoping your day was wonderful with the family. I thought about you often yesterday and your new son celebrating with his mom. Also, I understand you celebrated an anniversary of your sobriety. How did I miss it? I’ll get you on my calendar. Is the date May 4th? Thanks for always sharing your love over here. Thank you for reminding me of all the extra icing on my cake. My love, Lisa

  • Happy Mother’s Day Lisa!
    Love you!

    • Happy Mom’s Day to you too. I know these are long days when we can’t be with the one(s) we love. Somehow the universe fills our heart with love anyway. Your strength is always inspiring. Your creativity is untouched. You are the best of sober friends. Always know how much I love you. You make a difference in my sober life. Me

  • Lisa, what a lovely Mother’s Day post! This is my first sober Mday and I feel like I have given myself and my family the very best gift. Thanks so much for beautiful post. Trish

    • Your first sober mom’s day. Wow! Congratulations. It seems like such a simple thing until you try and do it and when you do accomplish it, it is the best gift ever. I have never regretted getting sober, but I often (if not always) regretted drinking. Hoping your day was wonderful. My love, Lisa

  • Oh Lisa! First, Happy Mother’s Day.
    Second, can I relate! Omg. I still have these moments, not necessarily on mother’s day, but definitely in other instance. I often feel like I have given up the biggest thing and I am not giving up anything else! Lol! It’s sounds ridiculous as I am writing it! Good grief!

    Anyway, happy mother’s day Lisa, and thank you so much for this post. I need to read it several times, I am sure! 🙂

    • Isn’t it funny, the crap we say in our head? When we just write it out it looks ridiculous. I still have plenty of moments like this. Just this past week I was journaling and almost fell over reading what was coming out. “Good grief” is right. Happy belated mom’s day to you. My love, Lisa

  • Happy Mother’s Day my friend, and thank you for this valuable lesson, it could serve me any day of the year, not just Mother’s Day!

    Hope you are well!

    • Hey sweet pea. Happy Mom’s Day to you too. I need this lesson throughout the day on most days.:)teehee I had a good mom’s day. Actually writing this post helped me get it clear in my head … you know … ‘who I wanted to be that day’. I could already feel myself getting off course on Saturday night and I wanted to reel it in before it got un-reel-able. (Does that make sense?) I am well, just busy, but the good kind of busy. The kind that wants to get me out of bed to start my day. I love when it’s like this. Also, the weather is getting wonderful and the dogs and I are out for earlier walks. Even though I am on the west coast, I can’t seem to have it warm enough. All my love, Me

  • Whoa! This is just…wonderful. What an amazing post!

    Happy Mother’s day – you’ve got some lucky kids.

    Sherry

  • I just read this many days after Moms Day…thank you- a little self pity excavator.
    Thankyou- as always your path and sharing of it blooms love and the best choice.
    Love, Elisabeth

  • The relation in between a mother and child is really beautiful and the sweet bonding is really impressive. Now days where we have found fake relationship and broken relationship just because of ego, jealous, attitude and behavior problems. But the sweet bonding in between a mother and a child is never comes under these circumstances.

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