It’s easier to think about new tasks than do new tasks. The scenario for me goes something like this:
- 6:00 am — Peace-filled, committed, serene, accepting, spiritually grounded.
- 9:00 am — Engaged in the day intellectually.
- Noon — Less engaged spiritually and more easily swayed by internal conversation.
- 3:00 pm — Giving “options” free time in my head.
- 6:00 pm — Fully accepting my excuse for not getting a task accomplished.
- 9:00 pm — Resolve to do better tomorrow after a good night’s rest.
- Repeat daily — For as long as it takes for me to learn the lesson.
At a conscious level I am aware that at a subconscious level this is the way I have myself programmed—thus far. I know from personal experience that any subconscious pattern I wish to change will require an abundance of discipline on my part. But today, this week actually, I just feel like I’ve had enough.
I want to ask the Universe if we can take a day off. Can the Universe hang out somewhere else? Find someone else to evolve today? Maybe give them some of my “growth” opportunities which I seem to possess in surplus? Regardless of my rant here, I know that what is happening is “what is.” I absolutely have never liked that redundant phrase, “It is what it is.” And yet I found a moment of solace in understanding that I need understand nothing at this exact moment. Nothing in my past really matters, only who I am today and how I behave today.
It’s so strange that this brings me comfort. It’s a small flash of peace within. Despite the fact that part of me wants to massacre me for not getting it ALL done. I have had moments where it has been okay. Even typing this, my subconscious is trying to convince me I’m a screw up. I should have completed more today. Then I let that sweet memory in to remind me I can change nothing from a moment ago. Not a minute ago or five hours ago. The time is gone and more time will be wasted obsessing over what was not accomplished.
Maybe the lesson I was to learn today was to be okay with me. Some days my best is a ten. Some days my best is a two. Today was a three. But it was the best three I could do.
In my heart I know I’ll never stop growing. I don’t want to. I like me better growing. The real sadness is to give up hope that I can never accomplish what I set my mind on completing.
My primary purpose is to bring love. I did that today to the best of my ability. I am far from the girl I used to be and that is good (very good). I have lived many incredible moments that have me sitting here typing. I have a great life. Even on a day that ranks at a three.
I fall asleep tonight feeling successful today.
Thank you Universe for the gift of sobriety.
A gift I sought, welcomed, and graciously received.
My whole weekend was a 3! The only reason it doesn’t bother me is because I’m fighting a cold and my body wouldn’t let me do everything my mind told me I needed to get done. Truth be told, my mind needed a rest too, which may be why I got sick in the first place. My new word for the year is “listen”, as in listen to all of me, not just my over eager mind!
Karen, Love your thoughts on why you got sick in the first place. This is a relatively new concept for me to wrap my head around. I am a student of ACIM (A Course In Miracles) and was first taught this idea back in the ’90s. I find this philosophy intriguing because it places one squarely responsible for the effects. (There can be no effect without an initial cause.) When I am sick it is okay to be a slacker, why? Do I create sickness to rest—legitimately? You have opened up some great ideas for me to think about. Mind if I borrow your “listen?” And you’re doing it for the year. I love IT! BTW … Feeling better today, but not by much. Let’s say a 4 right now. I always love your perspective.
Thanks Lisa! Yes, you can “borrow” the word. Before I worked from home, I sometimes invented illnesses so that I could have a mental health day. The funny thing is, just the effort it took to pretend to be sick actually made me feel sick! I’m not trying to imply that people have the power to give themselves serious illnesses like cancer but rest is very important for overall health.
Hi, Lisa,
Great post. I’m SO with you on this, and the way I deal with/accept my lack of productivity is to just let it be. I mean, some days/weeks/months/years, you just need to let the land go fallow. That’s how I consider my time “wasted” as being spent–something very important is happening. Lots of love. -DDG
DDG- Thank you! I needed to hear that. I just commented to Karen that I’m at about “4” so far today. It’s almost the feeling of a hangover (of the emotional variety). Whatever it is, I am following your lead to “just let it be.” BTW: Getting close to the three digit day? the 20th? love you back. L
I had a 3 on Saturday, so I can relate to this post so very much. All I wanted to do on Saturday was go to bed to get away from the myself and the day, though mostly myself. Then Sunday was an easy 8, so I guess a restful night’s sleep works because I was still me. Love what you say about being okay with yourself no matter what. Hope you’re having a better today 🙂
BBB, Actually it appeared to get worse but is now getting better. I met with my coach for about an hour and she got me straightened out. It did, however, come with many tears and many lessons. How at 49 years old could there still be so many lessons? (giggles) I sure do love my sober girlfriends. Thanks for your support. with love, Lisa
Ahhhh, thanks for this post. I swear I feel I could have written this post (not as articulately and coherent). I’m glad I am not alone in this, I’m glad I read you. <3
Ahhhh, you’re welcome. FYI, I love your writing. We all have a style and yours is beautiful. No, my friend you are not alone. love you
I had a 5 day today, but that is absolutely not the norm, 3 is definitely my usual speed! Also, my husband let it slip that he HATES the expression “it is what it is” on Friday, so I consquently spent the entire weekend using it, so darn funny that you wrote about it! Probably God telling me to quit teasing him!
Ugh, 3 is the norm? How can you take it? I’m slowly climbing. About a 5 right now. And yes, stop teasing him. (teehee) You can tell him I said that. xox me
You know what is funny about a three? It is not a one. Even a three gives you room to be grateful. As to that nagging subconscious…remind it you have received no rent for the real estate in your head. Evict it. Fire it. Be done.
Most important lesson you learned was you loved at the top of your capability. In and of itself, that, my friend, is a victory many are not afforded.
As to your to do list, prioritize and realize the universe will still be here tomorrow. What is not accomplished today can be put back on the rails tomorrow. You may well be surprised how far down the track it got whilst you were living life away from the office.
Much love,
Red.
xxx
I read what you are typing. I mean, I see the words on the page—academically. “Eviction” is such a powerful word. I see I have some journal work to do today on emotions regarding my “critic.” I want to “fire it” but apparently it wants its job back and I keep welcoming it … as if it is bringing value. It is not. Cried after our coaching call yesterday. You “lightened” me beyond your knowing. Thank you. I adore you.
Hi Lisa,
I just wanted to drop by and say thank you for ‘liking’ my most recent blog post – it’s so kind of you to show your support 😉
So, it is not even 6 am at the moment, so I cannot tell you about my day – but yesterday was definitely a 7. Good day, though my son’s school called and I had to pick him up early because he was sick. It was nice to have him here, and we spent some time on the sofa watching cartoons and cuddling. So a negative turned in to a positive!
I really like your blog, so I think I’ll poke around a bit more and come back. Have a good Tuesday and here’s hoping that it’s a bit higher than a 3…
Oh Michelle, Thank YOU. Where are you located? You’re an early bird too. I love your story about your son. My kids are 10 and 12 (almost 13). No more cuddling with my son (12) but my little girl can’t get enough of it. I was over at your blog (yesterday?) I must say I’m thrilled to have so many articulate, intelligent, authentic, and loving people to journey through life. Even if we are cyber friends, it sure is nice to know we are here together on Earth trying to figure this all out. So much love to you, Lisa