While I try and keep the blog upbeat (solutions, hope) there are days I feel blind-sided by people I love and humanity in general. What are we thinking? Why are we doing this? Where is the compassion? Why don’t we take the time to teach? Why don’t we set the example? Where is the personal responsibility? (Usually I keep these personal gems for the privacy of my journal.)

*Keep writing, especially when new to recovery*

…back to the blog.

I want to start with an acknowledgement of my readers, commenters, emailers, clients, and LIKERS. I love that you support my book, blog, workshops, etc., but more importantly that you are trying to figure out this sober-thing. It’s not for sissies.

I love reading your blogs and remembering what it was like. You help me stay connected. I want this … this bond. Otherwise I get thinking I’m not an alcoholic. That’s how strong the subconscious mind is. It will try and convince me I am healed and I don’t need to grow anymore.

Nothing is further from truth. I must continue to evolve if I am to remain sober. There is no shortcut. There is no arriving anywhere. Solid recovery is an abundance of self-examination and then conscious implementation of a new response. It’s hard for any individual to change a lifelong habit.  The difference between me and them is that my life depends upon the fact that I change the way I function. I don’t have the luxury of putting off my habits. I don’t get to pretend I’m okay when I’m dying inside. I don’t get to hide without you looking. I don’t get to cheat without you detecting. My screw ups are obvious.

I faced my addiction head on and then I faced you head on. This was a humbling and raw process. Every place I ever played small was exposed. And during this time of exposure I felt near unbearable pain, paralyzing confusion, close to constant anxiety, and endless questioning. Questioning that never seemed to yield any good answers (or at least any answers I preferred).

I’m not a bad person. Am I confused? Yes, undoubtedly. But that doesn’t make me bad. It makes me confused. Believe it or not this wasn’t my first choice as a legacy. So rather than focus on me and how I’ve got it all screwed up because I’m an addict, why don’t you take the focus off of me and put it on yourself. Guess what? You have some growing to do too. You might not be an addict but you are not perfect either.

I don’t know what you’ve walked through. You don’t know what I’ve walked through. Let’s agree that we will exercise some compassion. Let’s learn from each other. Let’s stop making each other wrong so that we can each be right.

Let’s both feel better about who we are because we are contributing and cooperating rather than taking and criticizing. We live in one small house, in one small neighbor, in one small town, in one country, in one very small world.

Let’s agree to be conscious about the things we do and the words we speak. We can say we are sorry, but we can never take the past back.

*This is the part in my journal when I would write, “Thank goodness no one will ever read this.”*

Don’t give up on your sobriety today. Despite the madness—I’d do it all again.