Competency Four: I can reframe my perspective

Reframe means that I am willing to see the situation new, as in brand new, without my original story attached. With this shift I can grant forgiveness to self and another. For many, this is the most challenging of the competencies. Why? It requires that I entertain a previously unseen version of what happened.

I am overly invested in my take on the story. Because of this high investment in my version, I’m not quick to reinvest in something new … especially something not of my creation—via my highly-tuned perception. (LOL) It can be impossible, even improbable, to comprehend that my point of view is fallible.

News flash: Truth isn’t determined by how many people believe it—truth just is.

Does my shifted perspective really matter? Yes. In the past when I was hurting I went for the quick fix. If I am no longer looking for a chemical solution to my struggles I better get good at a non-chemical solution. Reframing is a non-chemical solution for my discomfort. I am willing to see the situation from a viewpoint that is unlike any I have entertained prior to this moment. I get to keep reframing until I no longer feel the pain within my body. If I am still feeling pain I have not fully succeeded at my reframe. Sometimes a reframe takes one minute and at others—a year (or longer). The goal is that I continue to try and see it differently until I can see it without judgment; until I can see it without pain. The best case scenario: When I can see it with love.

This skill alone does so much to change the trajectory of my day. It’s my ability to communicate at a level that is the bird’s eye view rather than the playing-field view. Seeing from above means I can see many angles and without obstacles. I am looking down upon the situation and observing rather than being in the situation and reacting.

This in turn redirects me toward forgiveness. When I have this bird’s eye view of how a situation may have occurred, rather than how I think it occurred, I am more easily awakened to what happened prior to the event. I can see why others did what they did. My ability to see another’s thought pattern doesn’t mean what they did was acceptable, right, or even kind. It simply means I recognize without the need to judge. It isn’t condoning their behavior; it’s simply seeing their behavior.

Too often I have not wanted to even listen to their point of view. As if listening meant I agreed and they were right and not listening meant I disagreed and they were wrong. It is important to understand another’s perspective—period. It is a valuable skill that will serve me well in life.

Today I have learned to listen, to ask questions for clarification, and to temper (even eliminate) my tongue. Life is much less about what I say and much more about how I behave. Doing a reframe is an excellent way to redirect my behavior. When I redirect my behavior I redirect my life.

If I want to see my future … I look at how I act today.

COMPETENCY four IS THE fourth OF FIVE COMPETENCIES AS DERIVED FROM SOBER IDENTITY