shamrockThe Beginning
You were already there when I walked in the room.
Everyone loved you and wanted to be with you.
I was intrigued, but a little scared.
Someone suggested I would feel better if I got to know you.

I hesitantly agreed.
I didn’t want to know you—but I did.
I was confused.
I was awkward.

I met you once.
You were lovely, beautiful, welcoming, freeing.

The Middle
It is so nice.
We are together.
The world is right.
I finally understand.

Some of the others think we spend too much time together.
I think they are jealous.
Let’s not spend time with them. They are negative.
We need each other in a way they do not understand.

(Still) The Middle
Lately, when we are together, I do not understand you.
Let’s go back to the beginning.
It was simpler then.

I’ve been looking for you.
Where have you been?
I panic when I can’t find you.
You still love me?

I need you—love you.
We love each other—remember?
Can you try and love me back?
I still want you in my life.

The First End
This is not okay.
I want us to be okay.
I’m miserable with you.
I’m miserable without you.

I want your strength and courage.
I want how it used to be.
We were really good back then.
Weren’t we?

Get away from me.
You make me crazy.
I hate you.
Stop calling me.
Not only are we not love,
We are destruction.

The Second End
Why did I tell you to go away?
I hate being alone.
I’m worse without you.
I hate thinking.
I hate me.
I wish I could just stop thinking.
I can’t.

The Third End
You are so seductive.
Your persuasion … unparalleled.
How did I get here?

The others no longer understand me.
They blame me.
I try to tell them it is you.
They want me to get help.

I do not want help.
I want people to stop trying to help me.
Stop trying to change me.
They don’t know me—understand me.

The End
There has got to be more to life than this.
Why has it come to this?
I want help.
Maybe I need changing.
I know a guy, who knows a guy, that says he knows how I feel.
I will meet him.

The Beginning
He was already there when I walked in the room.
Everyone loved Him.
I was intrigued, but a little scared.
Someone suggested I would feel better if I got to know Him.

I hesitantly agreed.
I didn’t want to know Him—and I did.
I was confused.
I was awkward.

I will meet Him once
—and see how it goes.

Epilogue
I have met Him every day for many days.

Despite myself,
I can learn to change.

 

♦♦♦

This post was originally published in August 2012. No matter what addiction, craving or unhealthy pattern you have in your life, if it is not serving you, there is one solution: Surrender to being willing to learn to change.