Being an addict can feel, initially, like obligatory reflection. Reflection—one of the things that drives us to drink in the first place. We aren’t good feelers. As I look back on my early recovery I can see that everything was exacerbated. Good feelings were REALLY good and bad …
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Forgiveness
Relapse is what brands us ‘addicts’. Non-addicts aren’t trying to stop, monitor, or manage their alcohol intake. It’s a non-issue for them. And, any addict who says they never relapsed is lying. People … it’s what gets us in the club. We may have stayed clean since ‘detox’ or …
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I wrote my life in ink, not pencil. I can go back and strike through it, but it can never be undone—erased. I can’t choose yesterday again. Erasers remove the error on my son’s math homework, they do not eliminate, or fix, my yesterday. My yesterday is un-alterable. …
Read more →Somehow, somewhere, someway, I have felt that Creator has forgotten about me. While I know (in the truest part of me) this is not possible, I have still fallen prey to this mindset on more than one occasion this past month. The culmination of an ant infestation, an …
Read more →I love to beat myself up over every little thing I don’t get quite right. The words were thoughtless, the syntax confusing, the tone ambiguous, should have exercised, or shouldn’t have eaten that. I live with regret, despite that I am now taught otherwise. Am I to not regret the …
Read more →Last week’s post comment, via ByeByeBeer, spurred this post on the Pendulum. The Pendulum is a staple in my toolbox. When I first got sober I was under the illusion that I was going to actually rid myself of my yuckier side. I did rid myself of …
Read more →… Don’t say it. The Wednesday night mantra. And like any good irritant the issue and the mantra rolled right into Thursday morning. God must have been on hiatus when the vote came in to let me parent. I am confident, at these overly charged moments, that …
Read more →We all have darkness. I have darkness. Just because I write with the voice of hope, of love, does not mean I do not deal with dark feelings. I do. In sobriety, it’s not about not having those feelings. It’s about managing those feelings when they arrive … …
Read more →1967-1980 I wonder sometimes if I am really remembering the snapshot moment or just in love with the how I feel when I look at the photo. This photo (circa 1967) is a rare picture of my dad and me—alone. I was number five of six kids so …
Read more →There is no excerpt because this is a protected post.
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