LaneI don’t give you everything you want so you can be more comfortable. Being comfortable is not the meaning or purpose of life.

I don’t do everything for you because you lovingly ask it of me. Giving you everything (you think) you want fortifies your idea that you cannot accomplish tasks on your own.

I don’t say “yes” to your request to ease your pain. Pain is the catalyst for change. You grow into a more compassionate and sincere person when you experience it rather than divert it.

I don’t lie for you. When I lie for you, I teach you that lying is an acceptable tool for coping and communication. It is neither. It is a destroyer to self. I teach you that the truth is enough.

I listen even if I do not want to hear it. I listen because you need to say it so that you can heal. I listen without judgment so that I can heal.

I lovingly withhold information from you. It is not that I do not want to tell you. It is that telling you will serve no greater purpose. Some things are not for me to tell you, but for you to figure out.

I walk away. Sometimes the best for both of us is silence. I walk away because more words morphs into more issues. My walking is all I can do to break the cycle.

I make time for you. I don’t do it because it is always easy or convenient. I do it because that is how I express that you matter to me.

I don’t buy you everything you ask for. It has nothing to do with being deserved or being good or being enough.  I don’t buy it because it is teaching you that material possessions are the path to happiness. You are too young to comprehend this notion and I am wise enough to not let your ideals sway me.

I want everything wonderful for you. And the way I give you wonderful is by not giving in. I love you so much that I am willing to let you find your way. I am willing to let you feel discomfort, pain, longing, truth, silence, separation, and inconvenience—all in the name of love.

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I get many questions on parenting.  It can be difficult for us to teach our children when we have not yet learned the basics for our self. I, too, had/ have much to learn. I was confused with how to love me. How was I possibly going to teach my children? Hope you find some strength and encouragement in dealing with those you love. If all else fails, applies these principles to self. We change self—first.

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For those interested: We are collectively praying from the top of the each hour today. We will dedicate three minutes of communion (11:00-11:03, 12:00-12:03, etc.) for the families and community in the Connecticut tragedy. “Our hearts are with you and we lovingly absorb your pain that you may suffer less.”