So often we arrive at alcoholism’s door expecting that we will be okay with the fact that we want to quit drinking.

Most often (if we are lucky) we do not.

If we are completely resolved to giving up the drink/drug the odds are that we have done something fairly horrific to land us there. Most of us addicts will need to settle for the less-than-horrific realization that we are members of this not so popular group.

Not believing I’m an addict does not make me a non-addict. It simply makes me unaware. The question then becomes, Do I choose to become aware of who I am? A confrontational inquiry for anyone, but a necessary inquiry if we are to face the challenges that sobriety entails.

Life without our beloved addiction is not our old life minus the alcoholic/drug. Sober life is a new life. Who among us is excited to start over? None of us … As best I can gather.

Who did start over? The ones who were determined to have something better.

Was it easy? No.

Were we ready? No.

Did we find what we needed to get us through? Yes.

As a coach I am often hit with the question, “Am I an alcoholic?” right at the forefront of a coaching relationship. It is never an answer I can give. It is always an answer one can find.

If …

If …  you are willing to do some work. Do some self inquiry.

Most do not want to do the work. I think it is because we are scared of what we will find. At least that was my excuse. Why look when I don’t want to see what is there. I only search for things I want to find.  I did not want to find the word ‘addict’ attached to my name. Who does?

These are my four absolutes for recovery. These, I know with certainty, are required for me to grow into my new life with my old thinking. Over time my new actions will become my new thinking. And to date my new thinking has become my new life.

Absolute No. 1
Be 51% (or more) sure I’m ready for a change: Less than 50% will not be enough momentum to get me there. Don’t wait until I am 100% ready to change. The trail of destruction I will have left in the wake might be irreparable. This rule applies to every difficult challenge I face. I have to come to the plate with a measure of fortitude and conviction for what I am choosing to achieve.

Absolute No. 2
Find support: I need to connect with others so I can keep my thinking in check. My subconscious will drag me back to my old thoughts in a heartbeat. Another’s sustenance can carry me through the moments of hardship. (And it will get hard.) Another can call me on my deceptions. Another can cheer me to the home stretch. I will need both.

Absolute No. 3
Be willing to grow: I needed, desperately needed, to see that I did not have the answers. I had to be willing to soak up new knowledge. I had to find a way to stop resisting. I didn’t have to agree philosophically. I simply had to agree to make some changes that were in alignment with my philosophy. (BTW: Some of us don’t know what our philosophy is at the onset. That’s okay. We learn.)

Absolute No. 4
Quiet my mind: Until I can lessen the noise in my head, I am stuck listening to the constant chatter. For me, it was more like an ongoing disagreement, coupled with an inferiority complex or an extended ego. The feeling of peace and tranquility I chased with a drink/drug was available within my sober mind. I just had to be willing to seek it.

I wish I could give you what I have found.

However, it is not a thing to be given.

But a thing to be earned.

I hope you see your worthiness today and make the decision that has been so long in the making.

*******

I wanted to dedicate this post to Dawn Nickel @ SheRecovers and all the women with whom I retreated over Mother’s Day weekend. You are forever etched in my heart as we support one another.

If you are looking for support you can start at the SheRecovers Facebook page.

Never stop seeking—ever!