It spoke to me one thousand times.
It patiently awaited my arrival.
There was nothing I could do to shut it down.
Nothing I could do to kill it.
It was forever knocking at the entry way of my mind, my heart.
I tried my best to slam the door shut.
Somehow in the wanting to feel good, I managed to accomplish feeling bad—a lot.
Somehow in the wanting to feel normal, mostly I felt confusion about what normal was.
Until I was ready to let Love in I would be a prisoner of my own making. Trapped in a body, a life, a mind that I wished was different.
Until I let Love in, I never knew how beautiful I already was.
Love coming in meant Love coming out.
The more Love came out the more Love was replenished.
I had found a cure to my dilemma of alcoholism.
It was self-Love.
There was no substitute for Love, try as I did.
I am grateful it spoke to me one thousand times and more.
The best choice I ever made was to listen.
The best choice I still make is to listen.
And you are the best at listening, and at teaching about Love and Self-Love. Meeting you through the blogosphere has changed my life entirely. I learn from you every single time I read or talk to you. Thank you for teaching me how to love myself… thank you for loving yourself enough to show me the way.
Lots of love, Lis.
You do all the work. I just happen to be in your path that day. SO SO many never do the work and spend their life complaining. It’s a choice. More people walk away from (intensely) looking than you can possibly imagine. They are willing to settle for it being someone else’s job to make their life better. You embrace all of it, good and not so good, and you always flourish. You are a wonderful part of my life.
I dislike echoing sentiments, but I have to restate Erika… “meeting” you has changed my life. Reading your book has changed my life. Emailing with you has changed my life. Your love going in has definitely translated into love going out to me, and I hope you feel my love for you going right back in!
You are so kind. This is the type of “sappy” internet dialogue that doesn’t seem real, but it’s totally real AND wonderful. I feel equally blessed with the friendships I have made. We DO make a difference in each other’s life. Thank you for always supporting my work. It means so much to me, maybe more than you know. So now you know. 🙂
I’m still struggling with the listening part…but I’ll persevere.
Sherry
You’re in good company. I think we all do at moments. For me the goal is to never stop trying. Sounds like that’s what you’re doing too. Sending over some love. 🙂
Ah self love – what a concept! Something that one would think comes so naturally comes to a steep price to us that reject it for the reasons we reject it. I see my children, and see the self-love they have in abundance. To them, there isn’t a reason on this earth to not have it. I think this slowly seeps out of some of us, for whatever causes and conditions…and the self-loathing that replaces it (something has to replace it, no?) fuels so much for us alcoholics and addicts. I think of self-loathing and the things it drives and represents, and reading your wonderful post here Lisa, I see how self-love is the exact opposite. I see that lack of self-love brought me to a place where harming myself was a natural tie-in. It was almost a given that I could do what I did to myself (and others) with no reason to stop.
Self-love, as hard as the journey has been for me to even get to that point of seeing me for the glory of the Creator’s creation of me and the beauty of that, has been a great change for me. I think the fact that we want to stop the pain and get sober / clean, is the first great act of self love. And I have to remind myself of that.
Wonderful post, as usual, Lisa.
Blessings,
Paul
Wonderful comment, as usual! I have been thinking lately that I wish to redefine myself from a “recovery coach” to a “self-love coach.” This IS the theme of recovery. Just as self-loathing is a ruling theme in addiction. Yes, yes, yes on the self-loathing replacing it. And yes, something has to fill the void. Thank you for mentioning that. I often want to share more of the quantum physics side of recovery, but I have been forewarned that I will lose my reader. You on the other hand are not my typical reader. I appreciate your insightfulness to that which I write.
How true it is that the kids have abundant self-love. As my kids get older I sense both exploring. I have many moments of wanting them small again. Of wanting to give them all MY answers. Of wanting to protect them. Alas, I am not in charge. I do know I have done my best. Failed at many moments, but nonetheless, it was my best at the moment. It feels good to be able to say that. It feels good to feel; even when it’s not what I want to feel.
Lots of love to you Paul. You are a blessing to all of us.
I recall what you talk about – this idea of taking your writing to another level, another direction. I recall that on one or two or your posts, these thoughts swirling around as some of us were trying to get to a point of fully and completely seeing where your glorious mind was going. And you mentioned something like this, questioning your direction.
I also recall saying something along the similar lines on my own blog. But going the other way, or even not bothering any more. There was much talk about using my voice, even if only a few people understood what I was getting at. And you were one of those who encouraged me to continue on my own writing path, staying true to my self. And I now want to pass that on to you, my friend.
You see, I like to read a lot of blogs,as you do. I would say that about 75% of the sober bloggers out there discuss the day-to-day stuff. The struggles, the victories, the lessons, the reality and rawness of coming to terms of a whole life change. The majority of these bloggers are new to sobriety and I enjoy these diary-like entries. It reminds me what it was like, and I enjoy the interaction. Some are to the point, some speak and dig a little more. Of the other 25%, I would say that there are those who, like me, reflect a lot more. Get into inner mechanisms and truths about our own journeys. Speak in greater spiritual terms and the challenges of not-so-new recovery, but still close enough to the flame to recall the burns. Talk in broader terms and relate recovery to many other aspects of life. You are unique in that you mentor and life / love coach and bring a whole new perspective to things that most of us don’t. And I think that is why you have such a loyal and generous readership. Is it as large as the “hey, I didn’t drink today and I am a winner” type blog out there? maybe yes, maybe not. I don’t know. But what is important is that you play such a big role in the sober bloggersphere and don’t quite know it. You are coaching others and making big differences in other people’s lives. Those who read and enjoy your perspective do so because you are unique and downright fantastic / awesome. You are supportive and enthusiastic and humble. And you know your shit…lol.
I say all this because i would hate to have your gifts silenced for the sake of readership. This is something that I have learned in the last few months – with a lot of help from my friends out here, the ones who care and love and support me no matter what. And that is something special. I write what I write when I want to write about what I want to write about. And it will change. I have seen a few daily bloggers get into deeper territory and it’s pretty cool to see. There will always be a need and good number of new bloggers who are starting their journey. And there will always be a need for those who have been on the journey a bit longer and can point out things along the way. And while I enjoy those early days bloggers, I come to certain folks for a different perspective, a different view, a completely different way of seeing recovery and life in general. and you are right up there.
Go where your heart tells you to go. Forgo the naysayers. Listen, I don’t excite the newcomers with my stuff. But I will speak with my voice where I am at, and maybe someone will relate, maybe not. And the same here – what you say may not register with everyone, but you know what, there were many times things in recovery and recovery texts that made no sense or felt were out of my league, until I was ready to see them. And that is the beauty of your work – it makes sense to those when they are ready to have it make sense.
keep it up, Lisa. You rock – write with reckless abandon. No matter where it leads you. I’ll be there 🙂
Love and light,
Paul
It took a hiatus from my blog to even comprehend your comment here. I have reflected on your suggestions and happily say that I will be exploring an ever deeper approach to my writing (and maybe even my audience). I withhold at a certain level. It is time to again climb through the “portal” toward newer territory. I have made many changes over the years. Lost many followers with URL changes, but always, always, A.L.W.A.Y.S. I have grown into a person I love and respect. There seems to be no greater gift. Thank you.