some STRONG suggestion

If you want a different life then get moving.

You aren’t entitled to anything. Stop feeling sorry for yourself and do something about you.

This stuff is so simple, ridiculously simple, yet convoluted with your prisoner mentality.

When the situation is extremely tough the solution will be extremely confrontational. You want a soft and easy solution to the mess you’ve made. There isn’t one. The solution is to face the mess, do your best to clean up the mess, and stop making more messes. None of this is fun, enjoyable, or easy.

You reject this. You reject it because its nature requires honesty, discipline, thoughtfulness, and in most cases, pain.

***

Nothing in my life is going to get better until I make the choice to make it better. I don’t make anything better by expecting the solution to come from outside of me. I don’t make anything better by expecting, wanting, complaining, blaming, or forcing someone else to change. I make it better because I choose to change me. Whatever it takes …. I choose to change me.

Change doesn’t necessarily mean a new job, car, clothes, spouse, or house. Change means, I change the way I see me and how I function. I change the way I think.

For those of us that are challenged (self included) here are some strong suggestions:

Rather than this:                                  Try this:

There are too many obstacles. This exists to for a reason. What is it?
I hate this feeling. Why am I feeling this—so extremely?
Where’s mine? What can bring?
I’ll pretend this is ok. This is no longer acceptable, no longer my choice.
I’ll let them know what I really think. There are so many things that can go unsaid today.
Why is this happening to me? How could this be happening for me?
They treat me so poorly. No one treats me worse than I treat myself.
Nothing matters. Moments matter.

Life is happening the way life is happening. For the rest of my life people are going to say, do, and be things I don’t prefer. The goal is to stop pretending life won’t be this way. The objective is to start finding a way to become a person who handles life without making others responsible for my comfortable and my success. Sobriety is not about me not drinking. Sobriety is about me learning to function without alcohol in my body so I can start paying attention to the other things going on around me. Sobriety is about me evolving as a person into someone who contributes rather than takes. Not drinking is merely the first of many passages I will go through.

I get to toughen up on this rigorous journey because it is challenging and it will hurt … too bad. At the other end of that pain there is greater joy, greater happiness, greater everything.

If you aren’t yet sober you don’t know this. You know how I know? I’ve been you and I know how you feel.

The difference between us is that you’ve never felt what I feel because you’ve never given yourself the chance to walk through the pain of sobriety.

It gets so much better. Stop settling for so much less. We aren’t at a dead end. Just a wall that needs climbing over.

***

Please contact her with questions regarding struggles in your sobriety, she will reply to all email inquiries: soberidentity@gmail.com

LISA NEUMANN IS A RECOVERY COACH AND THE AUTHOR OF “SOBER IDENTITY: TOOLS FOR REPROGRAMMING THE ADDICTIVE MIND”

No Responses to “some STRONG suggestion

  • As always, I love it! My post today is actually centered around one of your strong suggesestions, one I had to eventually give myself! You’ll read about it soon enough…

  • I loved you’re blog today. Once again it is what l need. Time for me to come home to my coach. I’ll bein touch today. Angels. B

  • “The solution is to face the mess, do your best to clean up the mess, and stop making more messes.” Oh so true Lisa. First law on holes, when you are in a hole, STOP DIGGING.

    I really love this post. So many of us dance around the issues, afraid to say anything that might hurt someone’s feelings, but usually that doesn’t help anyone at all. Sometimes things just need to be said. And once they are said, then you simply have to stand back and let the other person do them (or not do them).

    I especially love the “nothing matters” —> to “moments matter.”

    Would love to reblog this with your permission.

    • “First law on holes …,” classic. I’ve never heard it phrased that way before. I love it! Yes, reblog. I’ve never been asked to reblog so this is kind of exciting. BTW, I am really enjoying your training journey. When is race?

      • Thanks so much, I think it’s a message that many of us need to hear, including myself when I’m tempted to host a private pity party for one LOL. I published one earlier, so I’ll plan to share yours tomorrow, Thursday at latest. That’ll let me pull some thoughts around it too 🙂

        My race is less than 2 months away on Nov-3. Clock is ticking down… I’m getting excited and nervous! I hope you’ve had some time to run, I know you and your puppy enjoy the time together. xo

  • Great Blog, thanks for posting.

  • So glad I found your blog today via Running On Sober. This is some incredibly useful advice right here. Love it.

    • If you’re an addict like me, your life is dependent upon the application of useful information. Without new solutions/perspectives we’re screwed (sounds so vulgar, but it’s the perfect word). Glad you enjoyed. Thanks for commenting. Lisa

  • So true, you can only change if you want to change. Change the negative thoughts into positive answers. Once you find inner peace and start to love and accept yourself, the road of recovery is much easier.

    Love and accept yourself: Every time I see myself in the mirror I tell myself that I love you, congratulations on another day sober, you are somebody to someone even if only to yourself, i am a winner!

    • Henry39, I love that. I’m going to start that today. I used to a long time ago. How quickly we forget to tell our self, “I love you.’ 🙂 Lisa

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